Back to Basics

Last week, I said that I felt like my brain was a hard drive had been gunked up with peanut butter. For whatever reason, I just can't get into any sort of groove since we have been back. I won't bore you with all of my theories about why I can't seem to get my act together. Whatever the root cause of the peanut butter brain disorder, I have decided to take drastic action to get myself back on track: I am going to pare my "to do" list down to only the barest of essentials. If I can handle the minimum things (um… like cooking dinner for my family and making sure everyone has clean underwear), then I will add in "extra" things that I like to do (like working on the new site and my little bow making obsession). Of course, it goes without saying that having Shabbos ready early (and trying my darndest to blog about it in the process) is a minimum thing.

So that I REALLY go "back to basics", I am giving myself a goal toward Shabbos every day this week. I will NOT be cooking all day on Friday again. I will NOT be setting the table after I have lit candles. I WILL be enjoying my little people and playing sidewalk chalk or something equally fun on Friday afternoon. Here is how I am going to get there:

Back to Basics: Daily Goals Towards Shabbos

SUNDAY: I am happy to report that I did all of these things.

• Decide on guest list: No one. Hubby has five nights of twelve hour ER shifts this week. I have a feeling he will be sleeping before the fish.
• Inventory freezer for things that are already made: I have sweet potato mash, onion kugel, and chopped herring already made and in the freezer. I can pull at least one of those things out to make for Shabbos.
• Put away last week's dishes: I know this sounds basic, but last week, I was doing this on Thursday.

MONDAY:

• Inventory fridge and pantry for other "freezable" side items—and make at least one thing: Mango soup will be happening later tonight.
• Laundry—or maybe not? We will see how the night goes on this one.

TUESDAY:

• Leftover laundry
• Clean the bathrooms—l'cvod Shabbos—I will do a quick once over on Friday morning, but I will get the dirty work done tomorrow.

WEDNESDAY:

• Clean the floors--l'cvod Shabbos—will spot clean on Friday morning.
• Change Sheets-- l'cvod Shabbos
• Menu—and I will incorporate things that I already have prepared in the freezer. I will try to double up anything that I make on Thursday to freeze.

THURSDAY:

• Shop after school drop off
• Cook starting before school pick up.
• Finish cooking and have kitchen basically clean by 10 pm (this is a MAJOR stretch, by the way… 10 pm is my witching hour. It is the time I go from an efficient-let's-get-it-down-person to a stalling-let's-play-on-the-computer person… so we shall see).

FRIDAY:

• Set the table.
• Spot clean.
• Relax, do my nails, make a bow, read Dr. Suess, or do some other random non-stressful activity (read: NAP!!)

Everyone needs to hold me to these daily goals. I don't think I can make it through another Friday like last week. No. I am not going to write about it. It was that bad.

Learned my Lesson

After spending most of last Thursday night in front of my computer, instead of in the kitchen, I resolved to get my cooking done BEFORE I did anything else this week. A tall order considering there are still parts of Purim costumes to make, mshaloch manos to put together and cards to create, birthday surprises to arrange, and a dining room table piled with at least a foot of junk to clean off. But I did it! I am done in the kitchen (mostly)! I need to bake my tri-colored gefilte fish once my corn kugel comes out, but everything else is done! My wonderful mother-in-law, Bubbe, even helped me do most of the dishes already!
This feels so much better than last week (at this point in the evening, I was thinking, "Well, it isn't THAT late yet. I will just go take a shower.").

What did I do differently? Instead of getting on my computer after the kids were in bed, I went straight to the kitchen and finished up the things I had been working on during naptime. I used that momentum to get everything else prepped and ready to go. I even found time to make another kugel—onion, this time, to utilize the AMAZING Texas sweet onions that seem to be on sale everywhere.

I learned my lesson. From now on, I will make like a Nike and JUST DO IT!

Learning from losing

For the first time since I started my little experiment, I did not have Shabbos ready by chatzos on Friday.  In fact, I barely had Shabbos ready by candle lighting.  Now, I have had bad erev Shabbos experiences (think: stuck on a tarmac in BEAUMONT, Texas because there are storms around Houston and the plane couldn’t land… with only 3 hours until Shabbos, a 40 minute drive to make once I got to Houston, and some food to prepare once I got past the drive).  I can’t say that last week was like THAT.  It was pretty hair-raising, though. 

I won’t go into all of the gory details (kvetchy baby, messy kitchen, buggy romaine, oh my!), suffice to say, the stars were not aligned in my house and much that could have gone wrong, went wrong.  It was really a shame--things started out so good last week!  I had a few things done early.  I wasn’t planning a large crowd for either meal.  I was really making only one meal (and not a lot of fancy food, either).  I should have easily had Shabbos done by chatzos on Friday. 

SO WHAT HAPPENED??  How did I derail when I was doing so well?  How can I keep myself from making the same mistakes again? 

After some reflection, here is some wisdom that I garnered from my first chatzos defeat:  

ü  A journey of one thousand miles begins when you TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER, already!  A major part of my downfall was my failure to turn away from my computer on Thursday night.  I did not have that much to do!  I needed to just stand up and DO IT.  It is Facebook’s fault.  

ü  If not now, when?  I am still not clear what I was thinking, but I went to bed on Thursday night before I cleaned my kitchen from my cooking sprint.  I have never done that before.  Not even on a regular week night.  I woke up on Friday (late, mind you) and my kitchen was in no shape to make breakfast, let alone get ready for Shabbos.  Getting that room back in shape took a good hour while DS was at school.

ü  If not me, who?  B”H, I have a husband that likes to help get ready for Shabbos.  He sees bathing the kids as relaxing time.  He enjoys setting timers and the hot water urn ready.  But if he has worked a 30 hour shift, he is probably not the best person to rely on to get major things done on Friday. 

ü  Do not do today what can be saved for tomorrow night.  In other words, only do those things that MUST be done before candle lighting.  Everything else can wait until motzei Shabbos.  For example, folding the shmattas that are in the dryer (and have been there for at least a day) is probably NOT an efficient use of time when there are still salads to make, floors to clean, kids to bathe, dishwashers to empty and reload, ect.  Not that I would ever waste my time on Friday afternoon doing something so silly.    

I am going to take my new wisdom and make it happen.  I mean, I have a whole extra hour this week, right?  In the words of Bob the Builder, “Can we make chatzos?”   YES, WE CAN!

Sorry.  Sick kid means lots of Bob. 

Achieving--and Maintaining--Equilibrium, Part 1

Why do I feel the need to write about this?  Three or four different things have come up over the last few days that have accented the difficulty most of us have finding a balance.  These things got me thinking: do I feel balanced?  Is chatzos helping?  Please don't read that there is one way to feel balanced.  I acknowledge that everyone deals with their circumstances individually.  This is what things looks like in my life.

I know that the current term is "work-life balance", but I think that even those of us that chose to not work face balance issues.  When I say, "equilibrium", I am really referring to feeling like one is fully present and engaged in each of one's commitments-- no one thing is taking away from another.

I feel like I have been fighting a battle to achieve equilibrium for the majority of my life.  I am sure that if I asked the 16 year-old me what her major concern was, she would say, "How do I do everything that I want to do AND still have time to study so that I can get into a good college AND have time to work so that I can buy myself a car?" 

As I got older, the more difficult it seemed to achieve equilibrium.  Don't even ask if I felt "balanced" in law school.  And if you knew me then, I would prefer you keep to yourself your comments about the level of UNbalanced-ness that existed in my life. 

Later, after I was married and after DS was born, finding that state of Zen-- where I could be a perfect and present mother, an understanding and supportive wife, and a productive and enthusiastic employee-- seemed virtually impossible.  If I was doing well with one thing, another thing suffered.  Every working mommy knows this: You can't do it all.  At some point, something has got to give.  For me, this struggle was very difficult to overcome.  I hate not being GREAT at everything.  It ripped me apart to not be fully present for my son.  Likewise, I felt guilty about not being fully present for my job.  Sure, being a mom is very stressful and working under a quota is very stressful.  Sure, together the two are mind boggling.  For me, though, the struggle to do both well caused me just as much stress as the pressure from any one of my roles.

One of the reasons that I chose to stay home after DD was born (despite going from having a comfortable margin to being B.R.O.K.E.) is that I was just tired of the struggle to achieve equilibrium.  "Is this what life is about?" I thought, "Constantly feeling guilty that you aren't giving 100% to any of your commitments?"  For me, the answer was, "No."  One of my goals as a SAHM is to show my kids that equilibrium can exist.  To do that, though, I would have to find my own equilibrium!  Not an easy task, even without the stress of a job.

This is one of the reasons that the Chatzos Challenge resonated with me.  My family would see me working, a little bit each day, toward a goal and would never see me out of balance trying to get it all done in one day.  This is the role modeling I would love for them to have. 

Have I achieved equilibrium?  I think, yes.  Is it ALL from Chatzos?  Definitely not.  It has helped-- especially my experience last week-- more to come on this success--but so many other steps have really put me in a place where I can say, "Yes. I feel balanced."  

How did I get to this point?  How will I maintain balance?  I will try to visit this later in the week.

What do you do to feel balanced? 

National Day of Unplugging is this Saturday!

So, you are reading my blog (thanks!) and you are thinking, "Wow!  All of this Shabbos stuff sounds great!  A day to recharge and spend real quality time with those I care about is just what I need! BUT..."  But you aren't religious.  But you aren't Jewish.  But you like to watch sports.  But you have to do your errands for the week.

Enter The Sabbath Manifesto.  It is a "creative project designed to slow down lives in an increasingly hectic world."  Basically, the creators are a group of artsy folk (not religious, mind you) who wanted to find a way to just slow down. 

Do you feel ready to slow down?  This Saturday, March 4 is the National Day of Unplugging.  The Sabbath Manifesto challenges you to turn off your technology from sundown on Friday until sundown on Saturday.  Visit their website to sign up to unplug.

If you aren't sure how to start the "unpluggedness", The Sabbath Manifesto created 10 Principles for slowing down one day a week:

1. Avoid technology.
2. Connect with loved ones.
3. Nurture your health.
4. Get outside.
5. Avoid commerce.
6. Light candles.
7. Drink wine.
8. Eat bread.
9. Find silence.
10. Give back.

Start with the first principle this week: avoid technology for one whole day.  You will be amazed how great it feels to have a real conversation with the interruption of the cell phone, Twitter, Facebook, texts, EVERYTHING. 

P.S.  Feeling even more adventurous?  This week is ALSO Shabbat Across America.  Join a shul in your area for a Friday night meal and more.  In Houston?  Join us at Meyerland Minyan! 

Shaky Beginning Part II: I really DID set my kitchen on fire

When we left frazzled-never-made-chatzos-before-me, I was crying over challah that wouldn't rise and wondering if my family would notice if I served matza for Shabbos.  After I tossed all five pounds of challah dough, pouted about my first attempt to be early, and ate a lot of babka, I thought through what I was really doing with this whole chatzos thing.  Was it really worth it?

A very wise rebbitzen told me once that the yetzer hara works the hardest against the most precious mitzvos.  That is to say, sometimes we encounter more obstacles (internal and external) when we are doing something truly worthwhile (you know, "a good deed never goes unpunished" and all of that).  Why?  That is the yetzer hara's way of keeping us from doing great things. 

A concrete example: Bob REALLY wants to keep kosher.  He takes all of the steps-- stops mixing milk and meat, stops eating shellfish, bacon, even switches his kitchen over.  But Bob has a LOVE for Jumbo Jack combos* (with curly fries and a coke)** from Jack in the Box.  But Bob WANTS to keep kosher!  Bob decides that he can do this whole kosher thing, he only need to make every effort to avoid Jack in the Box.  The problem is, Jack in the Box starts showing up EVERYWHERE.  At work.  At friend's homes.  He can't escape the yummy smell of the perfect curly fries.  Bob is forced to make a choice: give in to the temptation ("it is just ONE french fry! What is inherently unkosher about a fried potato?") or stand up to the challenge (which seems insurmountable-- this is his all time favorite food!).  And that is how the yetzer hara wins-- only one little thing that, really, isn't THAT bad v. a MAJOR challenge. 

When I was sitting in front of my dead dough, I knew that this is how the yetzer hara wins.  I knew that, in order to make another batch of dough before Thursday night, I would have to make an extra stop at the grocery store (easier said than done with two small kids and a resident husband).  I knew it would be worth it and I resolved to get it done.  I would overcome the yetzer hara!  And then the "one small thing" popped up: it started to rain.  Not just any rain-- real HOUSTON rain.  Well, that was it.  I couldn't possible drag the baby out in the rain for an extra shopping trip when I would also have to go out the next day to get the rest of the Shabbos food.  That just wouldn't be fair to her.  No.  I would just make the challah early in the day on Thursday.  That would have to be good enough.

Perhaps getting it done early in the day would have been good enough, but I didn't.  I waited.  And waited.  I didn't even get to the grocery store until mid-afternoon.  I didn't start cooking until after the kids were in bed (challah included).  And I didn't go to bed until 3 am (and I didn't even finish cooking everything; the challahs DID look lovely, though).  So much for getting things done early. 

On Friday morning, I found myself in a typical position: two salads to make, a cake to bake, a kitchen to clean (BIG time-- dishes everywhere), and all of the other random house chores to get done.  Yetzer hara: 1, me: 0. 

The fire came about mid-morning.  I had a cake cooling on an oven mitt that was sitting on a burner.  Because I was exhausted and because it was yuck out, I decided that I needed a cup of tea.  I put the tea kettle on, turned on the burner, and sat down at my computer to try to get "some things done" (read: check Facebook).  I smelled something funny coming from the kitchen, but didn't think anything of it.  Maybe I got food on the burner when I was cooking?  But then, when my water wasn't whistling and the house was filled with smoke, I realized what I had done.

B"H, the only casualty was the oven mitt (a lot of scrubbing later, the bunt pan and stove top were as good as new).  Somewhere in the middle of scrubbing the ash and soot off of everything in my kitchen, I thought to myself, "You know, this wouldn't have happened if I had Shabbos ready by chatzos." 

Watch out, yetzer hara!  I am not going to let you get by me again!  

* No!  I am not speaking from experience!  Even pre-kosher, I never STOOPED to Jack in the Box!  I mean, ew.
** Okay.  You got me.  I am Bob.

If at first you don't succeed... eat matza

Okay, okay, I admit it.  This week was not my first attempt to get all of my Shabbos preparations done by mid-day on Friday.  I tried last week.  Let's just say, the results were not stellar.

All of the ladies on the Chatzos Google Group say that the best way to get this done is to start early and have a plan.  Made sense to me.  My plan last week: get the challah done on Tuesday, menu and list done on Wednesday, shopping Thursday morning, cooking during afternoon naps on Thursday, set the table after everyone is in bed Thursday night.  That meant that Friday would only have some tidying up around the house and baths.  Totally doable.

I started with challah because (1) it takes the most time and (2) it is my biggest procrastination problem

(the mess… the kneading… the baby crying JUST as I am elbow deep in dough… best to put it off until 3 am Friday morning, right?).  I dropped my almost two year old at school, got home, fed the baby, got her down for her nap, and headed straight to the kitchen.  Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200.  Do not open the computer to check Facebook "only for a minute!".

Everything was going just dandy.  Got the yeast proofing, sugar, oil, salt, water… all ready to go!  Cracked the eggs.  Oh no!  I was 2 eggs short.  Normally, this is not that big of a deal.  I would just go knock on the door of my downstairs neighbor and borrow two.  But she had a baby just three days before.  How nice would that be?  "Hi!  Welcome home!  Mazel tov!  Can I borrow two eggs?" I weighed waking my baby up to take her to get eggs v. being that neighbor.  And down I went to borrow the eggs.  Glad that her sister-in-law was there and I didn't wake anyone post-partum.

Once back upstairs, I looked at my yeast.  Looked a little not-so-bubbly.  But it was a little bubbly.  It should be fine, right?!?  I mean, my yeast had to work!  I am making extra efforts to be ready for Shabbos early!  Hashem will see that and make sure that everything goes so smoothly!  Nope.  Dough didn't rise.  At all.  Not even a little bit.  Yep.  The oven was on to make the kitchen warm.  The dough was on top of the oven.  Everything was exactly as I always do it (only it was the middle of the day on Tuesday, not the middle of the night on Thursday). 

I cried, wondered if I could make the 5 lbs of flat dough into matza, cried some more, ate some chocolate babka, and contemplated the meaning of it all.  Maybe I am not cut out for this whole chatzos thing?  Maybe this was Hashem's way of telling me to quit it?  I resolved that, no, this was a minor set back!  I could do this!  "Tomorrow," I told myself, "I will start again with the challah!" 

And then I set my kitchen on fire.

What the heck have I gotten myself into?!?

Shabbos is the highlight of my week.  The glowing candlesticks bring a sense of peace over me and my home.  The beautifully set table, white tablecloth, china make me feel regal.  The sounds of my husband and son singing-- and dressed in their handsome Shabbos clothes-- awaken parts of my soul that are hidden during the week.  They are like angels.  I relish Shabbos.  I need Shabbos.  I crave Shabbos. 

But I dread getting ready for Shabbos.

Fridays are a disaster!  The candlesticks won't glow if they aren't polished!  Of course, the table is goregous, but I need FOOD to go on those plates! Challah!  Fish!  Chicken!  Kugel!  Cake!  Cook, cook, cook.  Vacuum.  Mop.  Dishes.  Set the table.  Bath the kids.  Feed the kids.  Bribe the kids to not make a mess of the just barely cleaned house.  And all of this on a deadline-- because when Shabbos comes, Shabbos comes  And that is it.  My pulse starts accelerating, just thinking about it.

This can't be the only way to usher in the holiest day of the week!  Certainly, Hashem didn't intend for us to turn ourselves into crazy, frenzied, maniacs right before Shabbos.  There must be a better way. 

Enter Chatzos.  I read about a group of woman that make it a point to have Shabbos ready by mid-day on Friday.  That means that they have all afternoon on Friday to... well... I don't know!  Do their nails?  Drink hot coco?  Recite tehillim?  Ponder the meaning of it all? 

I want THAT!  I want my Friday afternoons to be calm and relaxed.  I want to greet Shabbos with a serenity that is befitting the greatness of the day.  I want to sit down to my Shabbos dinner rested and alive, not exhausted and falling asleep in my soup (it has happened).  I want freshly painted toenails to match my Shabbos robe.

It is worth a try, right?  My goal is to have Shabbos ready by chatzos on Friday, every Friday, for a year.  I hope to blog how it goes, things I learn, tricks, recipes, ect.  I would love it if you would like to join me!  We can do this together!